Confessions of a Broken Soul
by BellaoftheBall91
Summary: There are some things that you can only tell a best friend...but what happens when the one person that can't know what you're hiding finds out...what if he hears the confessions of your broken soul....
1. Chapter 1

An-Ok here is something that I just couldn't get out of my head…let me know what you think…right now this is just a one shot but if I get some good feed back and I find inspiration to keep going I might. But I need to feel the love.

Veronica makes her way through her apartment falling down onto her bed as soon as she gets into her room.

'Let's see… bikers off the hook? Check. Wallace off the hook? Check. Car busted? Check. Aww so ends another _**awesome**_ day in Neptune.'

'So what should I do now? Well when you look into the eyes of a former friend and only see hate and loathing, there's only one thing that will make a girl feel better.'

Her best friend.

Veronica grabs her keys and runs down to her car. She drives across town. Heading to the only place she can go without fear of being ridiculed or teased. She heads to the only person she can talk to anymore, the only person who will care enough to listen to her. The only person who loves her enough to care, even if she's not with her anymore.

"Hey Lilly. How have you been? Has it been another fabulous day up there?" Veronica asks her as she sits cross-legged down on the ground in front of her headstone. "Did you see what happened today? The way Logan went all terminator on my car, you would have been so pissed. "

She traces Lilly's name with her finger, and then lays down on the grass facing the night sky imagining that Lilly is there lying next to her. Just the two of them, partners in crime, sisters in everything except blood, and the one of only two people she could always be herself with. No matter how stupid, angry, or crazy Veronica might be acting; Lilly always made her feel like it was ok that she freaked out.

"Sorry it's been more than two days. I know I promised you I would come, but this week has been so hard. Between helping out Wallace, Weevil, and going at it with Logan, it's just been a rough week. Oh speaking of Wallace, I think you would be proud I think I made a new friend."

Veronica smiles at the thought of the new kid who has stood by her without hesitating.

"Let's see…is there anything new in the world of Neptune? Well Wallace, obviously, he's really sweet Lilly. You would love him, a new innocent for you corrupt and have fall in love with you like everyone does. Oh I have to meet with the guidance councilor tomorrow, something about my attitude and lack of emotion in school. I can't imagine why I would act like that. I mean my best friend was killed, what not even a year ago, and then all of my other friends turn on me; you'd think I would be jumping for joy with the thought of being stuck in school for seven hours with those people. Note the sarcasm. Anything else…oh I haven't had any new leads on either of our cases."

Veronica says growing quiet, breathing slowly trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Lilly... I know the last time I was here I told you how I was just going to give up. Give up looking for who did this to you and who made me this way. I know I promised you to leave it alone and try to be normal, but I can't Lilly. I just can't, you should know that more than anyone how once I put my heart and soul into something I'm not backing down. How I block out everything and only see what I want.

"You know I think that's why I still love him. Like you always said- once I put my whole heart into something that was it, there was no going back for me. And that's what I did with him Lils. I loved..._**no**_ I love him with everything inside me, but it not enough Lilly. It's hard to take everything he says or does. I wish you were still here, you'd make me take charge, go over, and just tell him. Tell him how I love him; tell how I've always loved him. You would want me to tell him that that's why you broke up with him, but Lilly I can't do that. I wish I could, but I'm not that brave. I _**can't**_ be that brave, the girl that would do that is you, that was never my style. That's probably why you two ended up together, the two of you loved making a show and having fun. I was never like that, not until after that night."

Veronica start to sob clutching to the grass like it's the only that will keep her here, keep her from losing it.

"Man I wish I could just forget about that night. I know I should just forget about it, but how can I? I mean seriously Lilly, you know what one of them did to me you know how they left there. How am so suppose to move on and just forget that I was raped, by someone that was supposed to be my friend. How am I suppose to face them knowing that one of them killed me. And that's what they did Lilly, they _**killed**_ me. Every mean word painted on my locker, every awful rumor spread, and mean prank they killed me little by little. Then that night, that was it for me, after that I just stopped. I stopped laughing, I stopped loving, I stopped caring... I stopped living. Now I just go through the motions counting down 'til I can be with you again. And I know that pisses you off, but Lilly there is no one left. You were taken away from me, my mom left. My dad's still here, but I think he's just like me, just going through the motions for me. Duncan checked out when you did... and Logan. Logan hates me. And I know what you want to say 'that he could never hate me.' That I'm "his" Ronnie like he always said. But Lilly he does, he hates me.

"That's what makes this so much harder. He hates me, and I love him. I know I shouldn't, but it's true what they say- the heart wants what the heart wants. That's why I just stay away from him, I try and act like what he says doesn't bother me but we both know that's a lie. I love him and nothing will ever happen, nothing is going to change."

She starts to wipe away her tears when she sees what time it is.

"Crap. It's getting late Lils. I'll you see you in two days like always. I love you."

With that Veronica gathers her stuff and leaves behind one of the only people she has ever loved once again.

But unlike ever other night she comes and visits, there is some else there and hears her. He hears her pain, her fear, and her love. He hears the confessions from her broken soul.

He walks over to the girl he once loved. The girl that was so full of life, and drops down to his knees.

"What have I done Lilly?" Logan asks into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

AN1- Ok so thanks so much for all of your encouragement. I'm going to continue, but as some of y'all know I have two other stories and I have school and life. So yeah it might be a while for me to update, but please stick with me. Oh and thanks for all the adds to alert and favorites that means the world to me.

Logan had one hell of a day. First a bong in his locker, he had a nice "talk" with his father about his attitude and behavior, then he took the opportunity to have a little batting practice with Veronica's car, and now... now he was heading to the only person who knew about it all other than himself. His first love, the one he lost way too soon and way too sudden.

Logan got out of his car and made his way through the cemetery to the girl that was stolen from him. He knelt down in front of the grave marker of the girl that haunted his dreams.

Lilly Kane.

The girl that was everything and the center of attention no matter where she went. The girl that was the sun in everyone's life that she was a part of. The girl that only let three people see the true her, not the act she put on for everyone else. The girl that changed his life for good, and for bad.

"Hey Lils. What's up?" Logan asked the tombstone accursedly. He's not one to buy into the whole ghost or spirit thing. He didn't believe that she was there, but if she was, he wanted her to know what's going on. "You know that I've never been good at the whole baring my soul shit. But right now that's what I need. I need you Lil." Logan tells her starting lose his control on the emotions that he tries bury deep down inside him.

'Fuck this. If I'm doing this I'm going to one hell of a drink.'

Logan stands back up and walks back to his car, and grabs the bottle of vodka that he brought to toast the girl who thought him so many things. He heads back to where he just came from; he stops when he sees a person in front of Lilly's grave.

_"Hey Lilly. How have you been? Has it been another fabulous day up there?"_

'Veronica? What the hell is she doing here? '

_"Did you see what happened today? The way Logan went all terminator on my car, you would have been pissed. "_

'Lilly would have been pissed? Yeah right, she would have loved that if she knew what you did.'

"_Sorry it's been more than two days. I know I promise you I would come, but this week has been so hard. Between helping out Wallace, Weevil, and going at it with Logan, it's just been a rough week. Oh speaking of Wallace, you would be proud I think I made a new friend."_

"_Let's see…is there anything new in the world of Neptune? Well Wallace, obviously, he's really sweet Lilly. You would love him, a new innocent for you corrupt and have fall in love with you like everyone does. Oh I have to meet with the guidance councilor tomorrow, something about my attitude and lack of emotion in school. I can't imagine why I would act like that…"_

When Logan hears Veronica going on about her week he clenches is fist, anger radiating through him.

'How dare she act like she did nothing wrong? She betrayed all of us, Lilly, Duncan, the Kanes... me.'

"…_I mean my best friend was killed, what not even a year ago, and then all of my other friends turn on me; you'd think I would be jumping for joy with the thought of being stuck in school for seven hours with those people. Note the sarcasm. Anything else…oh I haven't had any new leads on either of our cases."_

"What the HELL? What is she talking about cases?" Logan asks out loud.

"_Lilly...I know the last time I was here I told you how I was just going to give up. Give up looking for who did this to you and who made me this way. I know I promised you to leave it alone and try to be normal, but I can't Lilly. I just can't, you should know that more than anyone how once I put my heart and soul into something I'm not backing down. How I block out everything and only see what I want."_

"_You know I think that's why I still love him. Like you always said once I put my whole heart into something that was it, there was no going back for me. And that's what I did with him Lils. I loved..._**no**_ I love him with everything inside me, but it not enough Lilly. It's hard to take everything he says or does, I wish you were still here you'd make me take charge go over and just tell him. Tell him how I love him; tell how I've always loved him. You would want me to tell him that that's why you broke up with him, but Lilly I can't do that. I wish I could but I'm not that brave. I _**can't**_ be that brave, the girl that would do that is you that was never my style. That's probably why you two ended up together, the two of you loved making a show and having fun. I was never like, not until after that night."_

'What the hell? Who is she talking about? Who else did Lilly date?'

"_Man I wish I could just forget about that night. I know I should just forget about it, but how can I. I mean seriously Lilly, you know what one of them did to me you know how they left there. How am so suppose to move on and just forget that I was raped, by someone that was supposed to be my friend?..."_

'_**Raped?!?!?**_ '

".._How am I suppose to face them knowing that one of them killed me. And that's what they did Lilly, they _**killed**_ me. Every mean word painted on my locker, every awful rumor spread, and mean prank they killed me little by little. Then that night, that was it for me, after that I just stopped. I stopped laughing, I stopped loving, I stopped caring...I stopped living. Now I just go through the motions counting down til I can be with you again…"_

'Stop living. Wait what does she mean she she's counting down til she can be with Lilly?'

"…_And I know that pisses you off, but Lilly no one is left. You were taken away from me, my mom left. My dad's still here, but I think he's just like me, just going through the motions for me. Duncan checked out when you did...and Logan. Logan hates me. And I know what you want to say 'that he could never hate me. That I'm "his" Ronnie' like he always said. But Lilly he does, he hates me."_

A sad smile finds its way onto Logan's face when he hears Veronica say his old nickname for her.

'Hate her. Do I hate her?'

"_That's what make this so much harder. He hates me, and I love him. I know I shouldn't, but it's true what they say the heart wants what the heart wants. That's why I just stay away from him, I try and act like what he says doesn't bother me but we both know that's a lie. I love him and nothing will ever happen, nothing is going to change."_

'She loves ME?!?!?What? When? How? WHAT?!?!?'

"_Crap. It's getting late Lils. I'll you see you in two days like always. I love you."_

Logan stands frozen in place, a million thoughts running through his head.

He walks mindlessly over to Lilly's grave. "What have I done Lilly?" Logan asks into the night, falling to his knees on the ground.

"Raped? What? How can that be? Who the fuck would do that?" Logan asks no one, anger growing with every passing thought.

Standing up Logan starts to get even angrier. Looking down at the bottle he held in his hand, Logan throws it against a tombstone close by. The loud crash of broken glass echoes throughout the deserted grounds. When the shattered pieces fall to the ground, so does Logan.

"I did this Lilly. I did all of this. It's all my fault." Logan cries out. "I caused this to happen. But she still loves me. How does she still love me?"

Logan stays there for almost an hour, repeating the two extremes; crying and losing himself, and blind rage yelling at nothing and everything.

Once he is able to reign in his emotions a little, he stands up and heads for his car. As Logan walks it's like an out of body experience, he moves but can't feel and is totally numb.


	3. Chapter 3

AN-So here in the next chapter. I just wanted to thank all of you who have reviewed, or added me or the story, that makes all the craziness of writing this story and my others worth it. And as always a huge thanks to my English major. Now on with the story…

Logan spent most of the weekend in a drunken haze, trying to forget everything that had happened in the last year. Lilly dying, his father's "lessons" getting worse, Duncan becoming one of the walking dead, and the one thought that plagued all his thoughts whether awake or asleep…Veronica. All weekend he just kept hearing her voice, so scared and alone. Every time he closed his eyes he saw awful pictures of his friends… _**their **_friends with an unconscious Veronica under them, unable to fight back or stop what was happening to her.

Sunday night Logan made up his mind. He was going to start fighting again; but this time he was going to start fighting for Veronica instead of against her. Logan entered the school with one thing on his mind- finding the tiny blonde girl that has taken a permanent residence in his head and heart.

Logan saw Veronica down the hall at her locker talking to the new kid. She shut her locker, said bye to the guy, and headed towards the girl's restroom, leaving her alone. Running down the hall to catch up with her he calls out her name.

"Veronica. Veronica!!" He yells but she just keeps walking. He's able to get to her before she walks into the restroom. "Ronnie." He said quietly.

Veronica turns around at the sound of her old nickname and looks at him confused. "What do you want Logan?"

"Um…Can we…Can we talk?" Logan asked hesitantly looking around to make sure no one could hear what they were saying. "Alone."

Veronica gave a humorless laugh. "Why? Why be alone? I mean half the fun of calling me clever names or pulling pranks is the audience feedback isn't it?" She asks shaking her head as she opens the door. "Logan, just save it for my car in the parking lot this afternoon, or better yet wait for lunch. I'm sure you'll be able to get a lot of laughs there." She says with sadness and hurt evident in her voice. Not waiting for him to say anything she made her way into the bathroom.

'_It's now or never.'_

Logan charges into the girl's bathroom.

When she hears the door Veronica looks away from the intruder, and tries to hide her break down from whoever it was. She turns around and sees the last, and the only, person she wanted to see. "What are you doing in here?" She asked angrily.

"I just want to talk to you. That's it, no ulterior motives. Please Ronnie ju-" Logan started but is interrupted.

"Don't. Don't call me that. I'm not that girl, not anymore. I don't think I ever was that girl, you should just forget her because I can guaranty that I will never be her again." Veronica yells. Her eyes start to get misty.

"I know." Logan said in a small voice. "But she was you."

"What do you want Logan? I'm really not in the mood for one of our wonderful snarky fights, so just get on with the insult so I can move on and get to class." She says in a defeated tone.

"That's not why I'm here. I wanted to talk about everything. I wanted to talk about the last year, why you hate me, why I'm mad at you, why I turned everyone against you, why-"

"Why? Why do you want to talk about it Logan? Why now?"

"Because I want our fighting, war, whatever to stop. I want you in my life again." He tells her looking her eyes.

"WHAT?!?!? You want to just forget the past year and a half?" Veronica asks incredulously. "How am I suppose to do that Logan? What, forgive and forget? Bygones and all that shit?"

"That's what I was kinda hoping for." He responds lamely.

"I can't do that. I shouldn't have to do that."

"Please Veronica, just tell me what to do. Just tell me how to fix this." Logan pleads.

"Make me forget. Make this last year not happen. Make it so when I look at you I don't feel like I'm about to be hurt. Make it so when I look at you I don't see the jackass who has spent the last year making it his life's mission to destroy me. Make it so when I see you I see the twelve year old boy I knew, the one who I told all my secrets too ones I never told Duncan… never even told Lilly. Make it so I don't hurt." She tells him trying to hold back the tears.

While she was talking Logan just stared at the ground, unable to look her in the eyes. "You know I can't do that." He says barely above a whisper. "I can't change what's already happened."

"Then I don't know what else there is to say." She replies as she moves to the door.

"Please Veronica, just please say that there might someday be a chance that we might be able to go back." He begged.

"Fine. You want to know what you have to do? Don't look at me, don't talk to me, and don't say anything about me for two weeks. If you can leave me alone and just let me be, then there _**may be **_a chance for us in the future. But right now I can't trust you, and I can't look at you without hurting. You used everything I ever told you against me, and no one can blame me for not being able to be around you right now, not even you Logan. If you can prove that you deserve me to even consider thinking about trusting you again, then maybe we can talk. But Logan, I'm going to need time." And with that Veronica walks out of the bathroom.

Logan just stares at the empty space that Veronica just left. He knew that it was going to take a lot of work for him to get her back in his life. But Logan was willing to do it because no one else has ever cared about him like Veronica did or does. Logan knew she was worth it. All he had to do now was get everyone else to leave her alone, not just because of what she asked but because Logan knew that she had been through enough… been through too much.

Exiting the girl's room Logan ran into someone that could help him with the cease fire on Veronica.

"Hey, Dick wait up."

So…what did you think? Review and let me know.


	4. AN NOT CHAPTER SORRY

Ok first off I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that I haven't update in months but I have been having a lot of things going on in my life and there was no time for me to sit and write new chapters. Also I my awesome laptop deleted the chapters that I did write before my life started to go crazy so I have to redo everything. So that brings us to the point of this AN I am as of now writing again. But I'm going to warn you right now you are going to have to stick with me because things are still settling down and I don't know how often I'm going to be able to write. I will hopefully update this story and second chances by the end of the month. And if any of you read my other story and are willing to adopt it or be a co author on it send me a message because I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to keep writing that one, but I still haven't fully decided.


	5. Chapter 4

AN-OK I'm so sorry for the long delay and I want you to know that it will never be that long again. Second I know this chapter is short but I ended it where I felt was where it needed to be ended and so yeah. Hope you like it let me know what you think and if you want me to continue.

10 days, 4 hours, and 8 minutes. That's how long it has be since Logan has talked to me. Well not just Logan it seems like I have become invisible to all of the '09ers. Not only have they not talked to me but they have completely stopped with their witch hunt or whatever it was against me. I guess Logan was serious when he said he would whatever it took to e my friend again. So that is why I am about to enter the lion's den I, Veronica Mars, am about to walk up to the '09er table during the middle of lunch to speak to their leader. Let's just hope I don't catch some kind of STD from Madison.

I'm about to head out of the bathroom when I hear the nasally voices of Madison and Shelly.

"Oh my god, can you believe Logan making all of us be mice to that trailer trash Veronica. I mean what the hell is that about?"

"You didn't hear? Dick told me Logan came up to him in the hall the other day telling him that we all have to be nice so he can be her friend again." Madison bitched.

I smiled thinking about how Logan was actually sticking up for me for a change.

"Why would he want to do that?"

"Oh apparently she is all depressed and Dick said Logan found out some big secret about her."

My heart stopped. What could he have possibly found out about?

"What secret?" Shelly asked.

"I don't know, but I do know that is whatever it was Logan wouldn't tell him the big part all he said was that because of it we had to starting acting like she wasn't a complete slut and bitch." Madison bitched as she and Shelly walk out.

Veronica left the bathroom confused what the hell the two witches of the west coast were talking about and what secrets could possible change the way that Logan was treating her so drastically. She walks down the hall with her head down thinking about what the hell is going on with everyone. Veronica arrives at her locker when she realizes she should go ask the one person that has no problem telling her exactly what she wants to know. Closing her locker she goes in search for the boy. Veronica makes her way over to the '09er table as all the students give her glares and odd looks for daring to come to their table. Seeing her guy she walks over towards him and motions for him to follow him; when he looks unsure she tells him," I'm not going to yell I just want to ask you a few questions." Still he looks doubtful but gets up to follow her none the less. The two walk over to a private table and sit facing each other each waiting for the other to begin.

"What did you want Veronica?" He asks her.

"I know you know something and I just want to what the hell is going on." She says looking at him waiting for him to tell her.

"Listen I don't know what's going on I'm just trying to be a good friend."

Veronica looks him in the eye and sees his blue eyes shining with honesty. "Please Dick just tell anything you know, please." She begs him brokenly.

"Ok. But it isn't much and don't be mad at me if you don't get the answers you want." Dick takes a deep breath and opens his mouth.


End file.
